Have you ever wondered why you’re sporting a stiffy every morning? Maybe you had a particularly n*ughty dream, or maybe it’s your body’s natural reaction to your girl snuggling up against you…after all, there’s no way that morning breath is turning you on!
The truth of the matter is this: Guys get morning wood for no reason at all! That’s right. Your hard d*ck in the morning doesn’t even mean you’re aroused! So what gives?
For girls, the thought of their men sporting a $exy morning boner without actually being turned on is quite puzzling.
Most girls don’t spontaneously get wet for no reason at all, so what gives?
Facts about morning wood you probably didn’t know
Whether you’re male or female, we’re giving you the hard and fast facts about the fickle morning boner mystery!
#1 A rose by any other name:While we might like to call it “morning wood,” “pitching a tent,” or a “good-morning boner,” there is actually a medical term for sporting a morning erection. This term is called nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT).
#2 How morning boners get their steam: Sleepy boners happen most during REM sleep, or the period during your snooze where you’re most likely to dream.
Does this automatically mean you’re having a n*ughty dream that’s provoking your little friend? Not at all. Because you usually come out of REM sleep in the early morning, your raging stiffy is just residue from your blissful sleep.
#3 It can happen to women, too: All right, so women don’t get hard d*cks in the morning, but there is a vaginal equivalent. That’s right, women get clitor*l erections during sleep. It has been suggested that this may be the body’s way of providing adequate oxygen flow throughout the body, including the genitals.
Similar to the pen*s, this oxygen and increased blood flow would stimulate the clitoris and cause it to engorge. $exy, right?
#4 Nighttime hardness means you’re fit and healthy: Not only are sleeping/morning boners totally normal, they may actually mean you’re in good shape. If you don’t get erections during sleep, it may indicate something is wrong with you.
Possible reasons for a lack of a midnight woody may be due to $exual impotence or psychological issues. On the opposite end of the spectrum, since your testosterone levels reach their prime in the early hours, your pitching a morning tent means your health and testosterone are right on the money.
#5 It can happen…a lot: NPT happens on average 3–5 times in one sleep! That’s a lot of nighttime boners!
#6 Morning wood isn’t always $exual: While some men, who find themselves awake next to a frisky partner, may put their hardness to good use, one study found that most of the men surveyed weren’t aroused, even though their pen*s was imploring them otherwise.
These men also gave varied descriptions as to how different a morning boner feels compared to a genuine “turned-on” pen*s, citing a morning boner was more “in the way” than anything else.
#7 You can test your pen*s: Not sure if you’re sporting nighttime action in your boxers? There’s actually a test you can do, albeit a little juvenile, that will help you figure out what your *Mini Me* is up to while you’re off in dreamland.
To test your pen*s for boneriffic triumphs, start by wearing a loose pair of briefs. Slip your little mister through the fly of your underwear, and tape/lick to moisten and secure a row of stamps around the girth of your shaft.
If you end up with a stiffy in the night, the stamps should be ripped. If not, it’s in your best interest to find out why, so call your doctor.
#8 Your morning wood craves release… but not that kind! Since we’ve already established that morning wood is rarely the result of scandalous thoughts, here’s something that may be responsible: a full bladder! When the urethra gets filled, it can cause the pen*s to engorge, causing a very different kind of boner.
So, if you’ve had a pint of Guinness before bed, or decided to chug a bottle of water for good measure, this liquid may be swishing around and causing your pen*s to crave a release…of pee!
There you have it, the real truth about guys and their little morning helpers. Whether you choose to take advantage of nature’s hard morning miracle is up to you!
By Minot Pettinato-Little